


Bath salts are the real deal

by NuclearSharingan



Category: Sausage Party
Genre: Drugs, Drugs Made Them Do It, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hallucinations, Other, Sex, non-binary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 15:39:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8922817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NuclearSharingan/pseuds/NuclearSharingan
Summary: You’ve had a rough time at work and need to relax. You decide to try some bath salts. You slightly regret it when things start coming to life, especially a certain douche...





	

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after the movie, douche somehow survived. Reader is genderless/whatever gender you want them to be.  
> This is my first fanfiction and therefor my first time writing porn.  
> I have dyslexia and english isn’t my first language so please bare with me. And I obviously don’t own Sausage Party.  
> Also I don’t know that much about drugs so if I write something about them that makes no sense, then well… yeah...

You sighed as you walked into your small apartment. You had had a rough time at work lately and you really needed to relax.

You had heard people talk about bath salts and what effect it had and decided to try it. You had also heard about all the crazy shit people had seen, though that wasn’t going to stop you. How bad could it be? You set your things down and walked into the living room… if you even could call it that. 

You sat down in your small couch and prepared everything you needed. Once it was heated up and you were ready to inject it you hesitated for a second. Was this really a good idea? You just sat there for a moment, looking at the syringe. You shook your head, you didn’t have anything to lose really. 

 

You carefully stuck the needle in your arm. Once the syringe was empty you took it out and looked around. Then suddenly it kicked in. It was like a euphoric explosion. Colours danced in front of your eyes as you sat there. You moved your hands in front of your face watching the trails of colours follow them in amazement. “I don’t understand why everyone was so worried, “this is amazing!” you exclaimed as you continued to look around your apartment. 

 

After about 25 mins you started feeling hungry so you stood up and walked in to the kitchen. Your opened your fridge, when you looked inside you yelped and stumbled back. The food was alive! All of the food in your fridge had faces, arms and legs!... You carefully walked a bit closer, you noticed that some of them had little gloves and shoes. “what the fuck are you? I sure hope it’s just the drugs doing this” you said looking a bit closer.

 

All of the food looked extremely terrified, surprised and confused.“You can see us?!” a half eaten sandwich said. “wh-.. yeah…?” you said. “are you real food???” you asked. “We’re real as fuck you sicko!” said a milk package. “oooh boy… now I understand why people warned me” you said rubbing your eyes. “what?” said the sandwich, looking confused. “well, I tried a drug aaaand now shit’s trippy as fuck, I mean I’m talking to food!” you said laughing anxiously. “well now that you can see us could you stop eating us you sick freak!” said the milk angrily.

 

You got quiet for a second. “well… I mean… no… I can’t, like… I’ll literally die if I don’t eat”. “what?! That makes no sense!” yelled a cookie who had gotten out of it’s package. “I am WAY too high to explain this to you…” you said closing the fridge. You sat down at your table, thinking about what you were doing and if it was a good idea.

 

Suddenly there was a sound coming from the living room. You walked out to see what it was. “hello?... are there more living stuff out here or…?”. Nobody answered but as you looked around you saw that a window was open. ‘ _ shiiiit, please don’t tell me someone broke in, I am really not in a position to fight off a burglar’  _ you though, carefully walking into the living room. Walking as quietly as possible, you looked behind and under furniture to see if someone was hiding. Still, nobody there. ‘ _ maybe it’s just the bath salts making me hear thing’  _ you thought, standing up. You started feeling really sleepy, so you decided to go take a nap.

 

You took off your clothes(because who sleeps with clothes), and laid down in your bed. Right when you started dosing off you heard a voice “lookin real nice bro.”, you immediately sat up. At the end of your bed stood… what looked like a weird toilet brush… but without the brush part, grinning at you. It looked like it had been through a lot, but it looked like someone had washed it and patched it up “what the-... Are you the one who opened my window?... and what are you?” you said, not too surprised after what you had seen earlier. “Have you never seen a douche before” he said, cocking an eyebrow, still grinning. “.. a what…?” you said looking around awkwardly. “You know a-” he started explaining but you cut him off “wait! hold the phone! I’mma google it” you said reaching for your phone. He looked a bit confused but waited for you to ‘google’ what he was. The more you read the more your face changed from confusion, to slight terror. “what the fuck… no offence but you are like THE worst invention ever… I mean there are no benefits to this. It only increases the risk for vaginal infection. It’s just another bullshit beauty product for women. The only good reason to why someone would use you is for pl… pleasure……..” you said the last part a little awkwardly, realising what you had said. 

 

He smirked at you, both of you thinking the same thing… just that it didn’t appeal to you as much as it did to him.

“don’t even think about it” you said glaring at him. You still didn’t wear any clothes but you were too weirded out to think about it. He started to ‘walk’ seductively towards you, looking you straight in the eye. “wowowow back off dude! I am NOT putting that thing anywhere near my genitals!” you said curling up in a ball by your pillow. “oh come on, it won’t hurt. This is what I was made for! I know what I’m doing bro. Besides, to you ‘gods’ I’m just a tool”. You had to admit, his low seductive voice turned you on. He was right, to you he was only an object, and what if this wasn’t even real? What if it was just the drugs? You started blushing from the thought of him and you… doing… ‘it’. “You can’t hide it now bro, your body is telling me everything” he said as his grin grew wider looking at you up and down. 

  
  


You thought about it for a second, and since this was just the drugs, then maybe you wouldn’t remember anything later?

He started walking closer, this time you didn’t do anything. He started stroking the inside of your thigh, still smirking up at you. “ok wait” you said and he stopped for a second. “I uh… you came from outside… so… I don’t know what nasty bacteria you got on that thing” you said, slightly pointing at his head. “it’s ok bro, I figured nobody would want me in them in the state I was in before so I cleaned up, now open wide” he said moving closer, a little faster this time. “ok, but there are bacteria in the air soooo I’m not doing anything until that’s been washed.” you said.“ok fiiine” he sighed rolling his eyes. You hesitantly picked him up and carefully walked to the bathroom. Once in you put him in the sink. “I… I’ll wait outside” you said awkwardly and walked out of the bathroom. After waiting for a few minutes he called for you to come in. He looked exactly the same... You picked him up and walked back to your bedroom. You sat down in your bed not really sure what to do. “Now just lay back and relax. I’ve got this” He said, not wasting another second. From there things happened faster than you expected. He stuck his nozzle inside you, he wasn’t very wide so it didn’t hurt really hurt(I mean if he’s sticking it in your ass then I guess it kinda hurts). His goal was to squirt is liquid inside you, but knowing that he was full of alcohol and juice, and not to mention a piece of sausage, he thought that maybe that wasn’t the smartest thing. He lifted himself up with his hands and started moving back and forth, therefor, in and out of you. At first it felt a little bit painful as you tried to adjust to his length. After a while it got harder for you hold in your moans as he moved faster. “Yeah- you- like that?” he groaned out. He was panting and you wondered, did this feel good for him too? was that nozzle like his penis? You still didn’t know if this was real of the drugs. Your thoughts were interrupted as he started rubbing your dick/clit, you moaned and grasped the sheets, like your life depended on it. Your muscles tensed as you felt your stomach tighten up. “Oh Fuck- yeah!!” He moaned as his movements became more erect. You moaned out as you came, you vision becoming blurry and your heart was drumming in your ears. He moaned loudly as he thrusted into you hard one last time. He stayed inside you for a few seconds before you felt him relax. As you started to catch your breath you felt yourself drift off to sleep. Forgetting about Douche

  
Suddenly you woke up confused for a few seconds. You looked around, memories started coming back as you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. You started looking around for Douche but not finding him anywhere. You sat up and put some clothes on and walked out into the kitchen. You were really hungry now. Before you opened the fridge you remembered that the food had been alive earlier. So you carefully opened the fridge but your food was just as dead as always. You sighed and realized that it had only been the drugs. Food wasn’t actually alive… was it?

**Author's Note:**

> So there it is my first fanfiction… After the reader fell asleep Douche felt that he was done there and decided to move on to the next… whatever it is he wants to fuck...


End file.
